Since I last posted (in March...), the whole blogger interface has changed so I have no idea how this will look.
"I'm 83!" my mom declared today when I went to Delaware for our birthday celebrations. I gave her nothing but a bouquet picked from the farm yard. Plus the ham I had to take for dinner since she's out of money, plus the mashed potatoes and meatloaf and deviled eggs I brought from Good To Go. And then she asked "Why'd you buy so much ham??" And also opined that the cucumbers in sour cream had no taste. Several times, she opined this. Never satisfied.
I told her she should remember that when I always gave her $100 for her birthday and Mother's Day, I would tell her to take it, although she would demur, because someday I would be out of money. And now I am. And she said, "I didn't believe you."
She got me a t-shirt, navy blue with peacock feather swirls of gold, that my sister picked out at Kohl's. I told them I loved it. I don't.
This year has been the eye-opener vis-a-vis parental relationships for me. I don't enjoy going down there, largely because of my sister, but also because it's hard to see my mom failing. Although today she was at the top of her game. Which is not a very high top. Her only remaining sister lives in Georgia now. She told me she was being LEFT ALONE down there while my aunt's son visits Ohio. But when she and her sister talked about her coming up with them, my aunt asked "Where would I stay?" I asked my mom if she had offered to let her stay there and my mom tutted that away. "She drives me crazy." I know the feeling.
This year has also been a challenge with Chip's parents, the same age as my mom, who have had setbacks, his dad in terms of health and his mom in terms of mental acuity. We were there the other night and his mom just kept patting his knee and saying, "It's so nice to have you here." As if he doesn't see them every other week.
I felt this same kind of distance between me and my kids when we were in North Carolina for Jessica's wedding. They're on to their exciting lives and now I'm a remnant of their past that they no longer rely on for financial or other support. It's a weird feeling. I suppose I will just continue to deline in their eyes, as my mom does for me. And I don't want to watch either one.
Although I must say that whole wedding experience was less than satisfactory in oh so many ways.
On the other hand (which there always is), I'd prefer that my children not feel the obligation I do to continue on. Albeit at a very haphazard rate. I hadn't been down there in months, not even for Mother's Day, when I was moving out to the farm.
All in all, I think I'm doing pretty well with the stress: moving out of my house, feeling like I have no home of my own, working 12-hour days, dealing with Good To Go's ups and downs. Today my renter told me he'd had a bid accepted on a house, so now I'll need to find a new renter AND move all my stuff out of there.
I have an angry or stolid edge now that I don't think I had before. My lips are often pursed. I laugh less.
But, as I said on the radio yesterday, Hurricane Isaac is aiming for the Republican National Convention and there's a blue moon Friday, so maybe all this angst is for naught. LOL.
Also just let me say here: Facebook sucks. I've been timelined, nobody posts anything interesting or they're not letting me see it and they took away the ability to design specific pages for a business unless you're willing to buy some service they've hooked up with. Bah FB. May your stock continue to drop.
